ALICE:

The sweet poppet who felt confined in this world of politics, arranged marriages and lady like behaviour decided to follow a little white rabbit with a waist coat and accidentally fell down a hole! Well, what people don’t know about Alice is that she is a horny little fuck! And falling into that hole has done nothing but set her free in the land of dreams, where she can gallivant around butt-naked, tits out and hormones racing! Now, in this Wonderland of vodka flowing rivers that glisten like disco balls and topsy-turvey flowers that enchant you with their smiles, this blonde bomb shell is out to play, and play she will! Although she has the tendency to be horribly vulgar and quite sultry at the same time- she’s a load of fun and will probably get your blood pumping, in all the right places!

THE QUEEN OF HEARTS:

The Queen of Hearts is a bitch. Her title most ironic. The Queen has anything but a heart (nor a brain for that matter). In its place lies a chamber full of hate and anger, pumping rage through her every being, her body feeding off other peoples misery and misfortunes. The Queen of Hearts, unable to see others pain through her own vanity, has no remorse or guilt. She is brutally honest and delivers it as it is. No matter how grotesque or unwanted the news might be. Through all of this, however, the Queen has an attractiveness about her. Like a spell it draws you in. Even with her arrogance, vulgarity, and plain right rudeness, one cannot help but to like her. Slowly you get sucked in and before you know it you too are one of her cards, her minions, laughing at her insults and joining in the name-game. Her hilarious outlook on life and inability to hold back on anything draws you to the dark side in one swift swing of the club

THE MAD HATTER:

You take the blue pill - the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill - you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

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Friday, April 23

Wanted: Home and Family

Now my parents love me, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes they have a seriously funny way of showing it. I don’t know what it is but every time a long weekend is on the horizon, they make me seriously question their paternal instincts…


This stemmed from the Easter long weekend - A weekend all about FAMILY and family unity. Well, they went away, inviting me BUT informing me that they had given my bed away to someone else so I would have to make a plan or sleep on the floor. Well fuck that. I should be first priority! I am their one and only daughter for Christ sake, and a lady at that! Nevertheless, without hesitation, they left me behind. I was abandoned with no family and an empty house.


Now, another long weekend is in store. While having a lovely family supper last weekend my father politely informed me,
“Mom is going away, I can’t deal with your shit, therefore, don’t come home this weekend. Yes, you are temporarily kicked out.”

Well gee wiz, that was uncalled for! I’m the perfect daughter, hardly given them a grey hair in their time, and what do I get for it, kicked out. Awesome…Still reeling I retaliated with,
“Well that’s fucking awesome, what am I supposed to do about clothes?” Whereupon he replied with, “I’ll give you half an hour every two days to come and fetch some.”

I mean, is this a joke!?! What the fuck is going on! DAD!!!


My usual strategy with him, when I am not getting my way, is to threaten him with a pregnancy. It hardly ever works but what else is there to go on? So I gave it my best effort.


“Dad, if you kick me out where am I supposed to go!? My friends are all busy so I will have to find a random STRANGER who will take me home. A stranger whom I will have sex with him ALL weekend. Who knows what that could lead to, a pregnancy perhaps? Another child that YOU would have to pay for and look after because it was your fault?”
I was sure I had won, knocked some sense into him…
He looked up, unphased, and replied,
“Well as long as you don’t come home I don’t care what you do.”

Well that’s fucking great. So now I have a ‘family’ but no home. Can we not find a balance please? And maybe some love? Some care? SOME HUMANITY!?


Maybe I just need to find myself a new home, and a new family. Any takers?


          Alice xxx
Posted by A Mad Hatters Tea Party at 12:11 PM

2 comments:

  1. babyloveApril 26, 2010 at 3:37 PM

    "a stranger WITH WHOM i shall have sex" or "a stranger who I will have sex with" and the "him" is just an added bonus- it doesnt belong in that sentence at all.

    if you're planning on getting knocked up, you sure aren't gonna be wooing any men into bed with your linguistic prowess, Alice.

    xoxo
    gossip girl

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousApril 27, 2010 at 11:19 PM

    Dear Alice..

    The perfect daughter, the "Lady" that has hardly caused any grey hairs???

    Excuse me miss but have you met yourself? haha because none of the above mentioned characteristics sound familiar! I'm pretty sure you've been responsible for quite a few grey hairs in your day!

    Much love
    your stalker ;)

    ReplyDelete

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