The last few weeks have ended in many fuzzy memories, bitch fights, swearing at police officers, swearing at friends, lost shoes and bags, unexpected nap-over’s and tears. Many tears. And last night was no exception. Although I traded the tears for getting naked instead – a worthwhile swap, because although you feel better after both, the getting naked option is more enjoyable while it is happening, if you catch my drift..?
I started the night with a law exam. Unfortunately my A.D.D had seriously kicked in and so the studying was startlingly unsuccessful, the result - only covering 6 of the 10 chapters. I pulled so much shit out of my ass in that two hours writing and spent 20% of the paper explaining how ‘Maria’ could break the law. Now I’m no expert but somehow I get the feeling that our lecturers would not be encouraging breaking the law and so my expectations are minimal...
ANYWAY! After playing down downs with myself I moved on to Plush! What a beautiful way to start a night out. Those songs do nothing but make me unbelievably horny and wish that Rory Elliot would divorce his wife. I mean the guys not even that good looking, but you could throw a guitar on the ugliest guy on the planet and I will probably jizz my pants within 30 seconds.
From here the night became a bit of a blur. In De Lapa I took it upon myself to lecture a stranger about the way he was treating his girlfriend. It went something along the lines of:
“You are one of the ugliest mother fuckers I have ever seen, so when she leaves you, which she will, you WILL be alone.”
Surprisingly he didn’t take my constructive criticism very well and shoved me across the bar. Well that’s what I thought. I thought this was followed by a few punches too but apparently my time line of the night is a bit skewed. There was a bit of a tiff though when one of the guys saw me getting shoved and so we were asked to leave.
Unperturbed we moved on to Springboks. While walking there a little fucker ran past one of the guys and grabbed his phone out of his hand. The stupid piece of shit, however, did not realise that this guy’s mate was a personal trainer and so before he could even get across the street he found himself on the floor. All of the ‘muggers’ mates joined in, as did all the boys we were with and before I had even processed what was going on there was a huge brawl on the pavement and 2 cop cars had pulled up. After telling the cops what had happened the ‘mugger’ didn’t even get so much as a slap on the wrist – another beautiful example of exactly how corrupt and embarrassingly bad our police system is.
The rest of night is half a mystery. I had fun, danced some more, drank some more, talked lots of shit, took off his top, allowed him to return the favour, and woke up naked, satisfied and still drunk. All in all another typical Wednesday night.
Alice xxx
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