The BA Stalker

What would this world be without stalkers? Well I think a much more pleasant place. Ok, I have been in Stellies for almost two years now and straight from the get-go, when I and all the other first years were making our way to our respective faculties, aimlessly floating down the corridors, as our eyeballs went crazy with intrigue, watching and observing all the new faces, I noticed something was up.

The BA Faculty houses some of the strangest looking people you will ever see. As most of the BA students are artistic and culturally orientated, they feel free to express their inner personalities for the entire world to see, letting their desires of Mohawks, tattoos, Satan worship and Asian style platted beards flourish. At first I was taken aback with this concept of liberty and eccentricism, but now I have come to love and enjoy the spectacles of the “Lettere en Sociale Wettenskappe gebou.” Every day is like going to the circus, as Elvis (an alternative bloke with dark hair that has a striking blonde Elvis curl, which bounces on his forehead with every step he takes,) Sumo (A morbidly obese dude who dresses like the drummer of Slipknot,) Riana (a coloured girl who is very pretty, but has shaven half her hair off and spikes the other side, who comes equipped with a lip, eyebrow and nose ring and a tattoo of a crown on her left arm.)

Then we have the Drama students who persist on wearing their costumes to class, I’ve seen everything from a fairy to a Roman Emperor. The B.A faculty is a mad house and holds the breeding grounds of Homosexual relationships and nicotine addicts- (picture Will and Grace, Lady Gaga and Marilyn Manson chewing a bat combined). I am proud to say the BA faculty has the most diverse group of students. The Poppies, the Hippies, the Loners, the “My grandma knits all my clothes” people, the Fat and Proud, the Emo’s, the Goths, the Anime’ freaks, the “I do art so I’m gonna make sure you see my clothes full of paint,” the Jocks and sport fanatics, the Covered Muslims, the Wanna be Rappers and the Nerds. Oh and don’t be surprised if you don’t understand what someone is saying; The BA faculty is home to international language studies, so often I find myself surrounded by German, Mandarin, Greek, Spanish, French or Nederland’s speaking students.

I have come to terms with the variety we shelve and absolutely love the array of strange individuals. But there is just one certain someone who I can’t stand. “The BA Stalker,” “BA Legend,” “Die Hard” or “The Ginger Burgie.” He goes by all of these names, if you have never encountered him, well then you are definitely not a BA student. This creep lurks through the hallways, with his beady eyes alternating from side to side as he preys on poor pretty girls. He wears the same fucking outfit every fucking day – a dark shirt with a white long- sleeve school shirt over, brown pants and black scuffed farmer-style shoes, AND HE STINKS!!!

Many stories have circulated as to why he lives at the BA. He doesn’t seem like a student because no-one has ever had a class with him, he carries exactly one book, does fuck all in Humarga, except for sitting at a pc and gazing around, and if he is a student and can afford tuition fees, why the hell cant he afford a new change of clothes? No-one has ever heard him speak and he looks like an old, poor- white, car guard from Strand who has a red complexion from sun damage or alcoholism.

Why in Randy Jacksons name has no one ever beat the diarrhoea out of this fuck head??? Probably because they feel sorry for  the mentally retarded, because that is what he has to be if he is a 30 year old man who has nothing better to do than walk around, pretending to be a student, stinking up the corridors and prowling on girls. Holy smokes! If only one could draw the line somewhere, cause that shit is whack! Not only is he the only adolescent Wranger that I have ever seen, but the way he watches human interaction- without displaying any himself, seriously makes my intestine shudder.

If anyone has information as to whom he really is, please drop a comment. I can only imagine him being called Slitherin or Sméagol. I wouldn’t be surprised if I came back to visit my beloved faculty in 10 years time, that the “BA Stalker” would still be there, attracting flies and married to the tuck-shop lady, still stalking as powerful as ever.