If being a student is supposed to be the best time of one’s life, why is everything so shit? I think I have fallen into that dark pit they call despair, where everything is bleak and the sun light seems to dim with every ticking second. I’m not trying to be melodramatic here, but fuck, I need a break. Exams start in two weeks and they seem to be a looming force, peaking over jagged rocks. These jagged rocks have sharp points that could pierce through even the toughest flesh, and are known as; Essays, Assignment and Tutorial tests.

Lecturers are lazy sons of bitches who leave everything to the last minute and thus decide that the last two weeks before exams should be filled with tasks to build up a predicate mark. Why they couldn’t do this a month ago, I have no clue. So right now I picture myself climbing over the jagged rocks, making my way to the looming exams, but I’ve managed to stumble, and am currently impaled between hundreds of sharp, stony spears, two of which are gouging out my eyeballs. Yes, I have a none- stopping migraine that is located in the sockets of my eyeballs, because of staring into the bright, white screen of my lap-top for 14 hours in two days, as I type never ending essays and pointless assignments.

My social life has not only gone to a ball of shit, but typing this blog, in the hope that someone will read it, will be the most contact I’ve had with the human race, this whole week. My legs feel dead from sitting in one place for so long, and I’m pretty sure that I’m going to need physio just so I can walk again properly. My only exercise is walking to the fridge to eat or drink something. Not only am I getting fat, but now I have no more food, and I’m broke.

Furthermore, my parents don’t want anything to do with me, every time I ask for a little extra cash to sustain myself, I get told I’m spending too much. It’s funny how all the times I asked for extra cash before, because I spent too much money on booze and cigarettes, it was so easy to get it. But now, when I’ve been doing my best to be a moral academically focused student, I must starve. Oh the unjust life we live. I’ve lost my friends, my parents and my money, what more can happen? Ah, that’s right, my car has decided to kick the bucket and has started fucking- out (apparently my alternator is screwed). So what do I do, seek comfort from my boyfriend? No, he loves ‘Pokémon Pocket Monsters’ more than me. When will these serrated, spikes release me from their painful hold?

As I have been spending the past week inside my quaint little flat, I caught myself inventing new methods of procrastination and entertainment. I thought I would share a few, in case you would like to try them:

1. Pluck your toes hairs, one by one- even if they are blonde and you can’t see them.

2. Learn the lyrics to ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’- because they are damn hard to hear.

3. Look up a word in the dictionary that you don’t understand, and then just start reading the whole book, for interest sake. (I now know what pyaemia means: “blood poisoning caused by pus-forming bacteria in the bloodstream)

4. Count the amount of white cars that drive past your window.

5. Look underneath your bed, you are bound to find something interesting. - I found a condom wrapper, some stale chips and an SL magazine.

6. Try and tie your hair up with a pencil, like they do in the movies- took me a good half an hour long.

7. And finally just stare out of your window, day-dreaming while tapping your teeth with your pinkie finger (I did that for fucking ages)

After I post this, the donkey labour continues- my brain is starting to fry, when exams start I’m not going to have anything left but mere ash. At least the clouds are crying for me, it just means winter is approaching though, another depressing concept to add to my list.

Queen <3