OFF THE RAILS

It’s Friday,12 march, plans: Jew Biscuit’s Braai, Kimberly Hotel, The eviction party, Evol.

The braai starts off rather chilled and jolly, just a couple mates getting pissed around a fire. I arrive equipped with a mixture of single ladies drinks with a very high sugar content. I am going to do anything in my power to not fall asleep at Evol again. I have a feeling that I will go mad this night, and I actually warn everyone as a joke and apologize for any fucked up shit I do in advance. *FAST FORWARD* Brandy is spraying everywhere. It’s in my eyes. As I drift around a corner I lose control and hit the curb...softly. Everyone is awake now, lively and very pissed off.
We arrive back at the braai, grateful to be alive and a couple energy levels higher than the rest of the party. We have a couple games of free for all foosball and bullshit talk before we decide to leave to town, most of the crew hops in the bakkie. As they leave I grab hold on the back, running on the road trying to match the speed of the vehicle, Usain Bolt had nothing on me. Thinking back I am surprised I’m not picking gravel out of my face right now.  The bakkie speeds off and I make my way back up the road to the car in a strange contrast of silence. 

The Beemer is packed with the remaining 9 drunkards and myself. One, our good Jew Biscuit wedges himself in the boot. What a legend. After about 5 seconds of driving we forget about him and blast my “Nigga Plz” CD. Biscuit is a sound engineer and is heavily over protective about damaging his delicate little ears. Unlike us, he needs them. His ears must have been bleeding as the sub had us all shaking to Lil Jon "GET CRUNK".  As the track changed there was a second or 2 of silence... “Turn this fucking shit music off!” shouts Biscuit. He was completely ignored. We make a stop, take a piss, Bizzy makes out with his girl through the sun roof, hella sexy, and Biscuit is given the chance to express his feelings which are heard but obviously not taken into consideration as he finds himself back in the boot a couple of minutes later. We finally head off to town. As we get out of the car at Kimberly we almost forget about the bugger in the boot. Couple drinks and whatnot and I'm playing the piano. Shit, it must have sounded quite horrible. Not only was I completely sloshed and never taken a piano lesson, the piano was also well out of tune. I play Apologize, Kyle on vocals. (Ironic as I've been doing quite a bit of apologizing after this mad night)   We rock it.
*FAST FORWARD*
Kyle, Logik and I are singing with some random crack head that’s taken over the piano. This night is already fucking weird and it hasn’t even started. I find Eel and he is so off his tits. He lets me slap him. I hit him hard. I felt great and he didn't feel a thing.

 We eventually leave for the Eviction party. As we tailing the bakkie a mate spits on my windscreen. I’ve been drinking karate juice; I’m taking zero bullshit tonight. We stop at a red robot. I get out the car, walk over and slap him. It’s a dick maneuver, but being the brother he is he doesn’t beat the shit out of me and takes it like a man. I tell Bizzy to pull up alongside the bakkie. The Beemer roars as it suddenly takes off. The others must have been wondering what the hell was going to happen next. I lean out the window giving them the finger and showering them with brandy. Man, what a waste. I am officially off the rails. The one guy which wasn’t supposed to be in the bakkie got absolutely soaked in Wellingtons. Drain that shirt and you got yourself half a bottle. As we stop he murmurs his frustration. I walk up to him and ask if he has a problem. Its those moments where you can argue, or maybe apologize, but hell, at the time it just seemed so much simpler to just fight or do nothing. Shit, they should have put me to sleep right then and there. We follow the trail of random junkies running around the street and eventually find the eviction party. It’s packed. I can barely stand up, stumbling everywhere. It’s all a blur. I have no idea what I was doing half the time there so let’s *FAST FORWARD*.

I see my friend hooking up with a girl I thought I had gotten over. This triggers more rage. My eyes gloss over (the Greek calls them Devil eyes. She got a pretty good look at them after she slapped me back in the day, obviously I deserved it, that’s another story for another time).  I walk towards the stairs and see them walking down toward me. My intention at this point is to walk past and simply ignore them and continue with my crazy night. Obviously I didn’t do that. Without thought I elbow my mate in the stomach. As I reach the top of the stairs I throw my can behind me, fairly fucking hard. I don’t think my intention was to hit one of them. But it did... it hit 'this girl' straight in the kop. I walked to the balcony and stared at the night sky for a couple minutes as I attempted to calm myself down and regain control. That was a bit of a fail. I was still untamed and aggressive. As I make my way outside I’m confronted with my actions. I am so disorientated I don’t know what the hell is going on and what I was doing. I try to apologize but no amount of apologizing is going to fix this. I don’t think I was even aware of what I had done. It certainly didn’t snap me out of my rage. I was still mad and looking for kak. At some point in the night I exchange words with 'this girl' and her best friend. I can’t remember one word I said. Apparently it wasn’t too kind at all. *FAST FORWARD*

I’m at Evol playing pool against Logik. We have no white ball. I take someone elses and use it as a sub. The next thing I can remember is slapping K-Pizzle (fucking hell I've done a lot of slapping tonight). He hits me back. We decide to fight and settle shit right then and there, in the middle of Evol lounge room.I think he took his shirt off. Man, he was pumped and ready to fuck my shit up. All of a sudden some random jackass jumps to his side. (He was probably the guy I stole the pool ball from) Who knows, all I know is he wanted me dead. Not sure what happened to me and K-Piz fighting as I threw a punch at the random. (I’m not sure if I hit him) He charges me and is held back. The bouncer takes me to the stairs and god only knows why he didn’t fuck me up. He shouted a couple words and I calmly and happily replied, “My shirt is the wrong way around.” “Can I please just fix it?” I'm not even sure how it got that way as I most def don't remember taking it off. I think the bouncer and the door lady were both really confused as they watched me put my shirt on and then actually let me back inside. I walked up to Random and said, “You know what, I don’t think we should fight, it’s not a very good idea.” He agreed and told me I seem to be quite a nice guy despite throwing a punch at him. We made friends and wished each other a good night. Good times. K-Piz and I joined the others in the car as we eventually end the night and head off home. 

But it’s not the end. As we drive past the Engen some random oaks on the side of the road throw a rock at my car. I never saw it but I took Bizzy’s word for it and I tell him to turn around. If I‘m going to slap one of my best friends for saliva, I’m definitely turning around for some random douche bags. Apple, Bizzy, Resonate, K-Piz and I step out. Shit, these guys were older and bigger than us, can't exactly back down now though. We were all so wasted I’m surprised we could get out the car and approach them. We meet and very few words were exchanged before I push two of them. Apparently I hit the biggest guy in the eye. I'm not a fighter, I am a shit causer, getting in fights is uncommon for me. All I remember from the last fight I got into was waking up underneath a table with blood pouring from my mouth and nose with no memory of what happened. Anyway, after my wild jab to the eye the brawl had begun. Fists flying everywhere. None of us really remember much of this fight. I remember being back in the car as there was an interval. It didn’t take long to realize that the fight was going to continue. I step out and before I even pick a target I find myself on my back, surprised that no one is on top of me pummeling my chops in. I think Res and Apple took that guy out immediately after he kicked me. I get up and join in on the action once again. I get hit from the side in my teeth. I feel all my teeth loosen and move to the side and back. Thank God for that retainer. Couple of seconds go by and I realize we are on top as I see one guy is bleeding from his eye and nose and has his shirt ripped and Bizzy is on the floor moering one of them whilst his friend is attempting to break it up. At this stage we have attracted a large crowd at Engen. I wish I could have been in their shoes to witness it. Proper entertainment. Anyway, these guys eventually call it quits. The fight is over. We chant like Hooligans and get back into the car laughing hysterically. Rough night, the madness is over.

Mad love.