A Mad Hatters Tea Party: "What the F!*#? are you doing in my room??"

ALICE:

The sweet poppet who felt confined in this world of politics, arranged marriages and lady like behaviour decided to follow a little white rabbit with a waist coat and accidentally fell down a hole! Well, what people don’t know about Alice is that she is a horny little fuck! And falling into that hole has done nothing but set her free in the land of dreams, where she can gallivant around butt-naked, tits out and hormones racing! Now, in this Wonderland of vodka flowing rivers that glisten like disco balls and topsy-turvey flowers that enchant you with their smiles, this blonde bomb shell is out to play, and play she will! Although she has the tendency to be horribly vulgar and quite sultry at the same time- she’s a load of fun and will probably get your blood pumping, in all the right places!

THE QUEEN OF HEARTS:

The Queen of Hearts is a bitch. Her title most ironic. The Queen has anything but a heart (nor a brain for that matter). In its place lies a chamber full of hate and anger, pumping rage through her every being, her body feeding off other peoples misery and misfortunes. The Queen of Hearts, unable to see others pain through her own vanity, has no remorse or guilt. She is brutally honest and delivers it as it is. No matter how grotesque or unwanted the news might be. Through all of this, however, the Queen has an attractiveness about her. Like a spell it draws you in. Even with her arrogance, vulgarity, and plain right rudeness, one cannot help but to like her. Slowly you get sucked in and before you know it you too are one of her cards, her minions, laughing at her insults and joining in the name-game. Her hilarious outlook on life and inability to hold back on anything draws you to the dark side in one swift swing of the club

Friday, March 12

"What the F!*#? are you doing in my room??"

Everyone has a jackass friend who somehow can convince you to do anything! Well that’s Alice, she has a way of making even the most trivial things sound like a ride on a ferris-wheel. The things she has talked me into doing range from:

Driving to ‘RAM’ fest without actually having tickets, so we could try our luck by either climbing over a barb-wire fence, swimming down the river to the camp site or prostituting ourselves to anyone who could get us in, only to find that it was all impossible.... We sat around for a while, waiting for a miracle, and to our surprise we actually found one. - We started walking into the festival, trying to blend in, hoping that no-one would notice us just slip by. Unfortunately they did and we got kicked out, BUT on our way back to the car we found some dodgy half price tickets that were being sold by a few drunken kids. MIRACLE!

She also persuaded me into getting drunk, by ourselves in an abandoned guest lodge with an open bar while dancing to the KTV CD.... To jumping off a 40meter cliff into freezing water wearing nothing but my ‘nikkers’. Or she just suggests we go to Clifton for the day, only to end up sneaking into a private Peroni’ party at the waterfront looking like shit! While models paraded around and old men perved.

Well, the little Alice bitch made another big suggestion on Saturday night, which lead to me pissing in a UCT residence shower, filling a dorm room with blown up condoms and then passing out next to her (who was wearing nothing but a thong and a T-shirt) at 6am in the morning! THEN, after waking up at 10, to the site of my darling friends’ drooling face, I had to strut my hung-over self down the corridors, again LOOKING LIKE SHIT, in the clothes we wore the night before (very skanky for a Sunday morning) -shoes in hand, eyes blood shot and stinking like first year cum (the boys must have taken many a-wank on that bed). Seeing as I can’t even remember how I got there in the first place, or why the fuck I spent so much money, I just kind of shrugged my shoulders and accepted that I am officially a spineless pussy who cannot say no to that stupid bitches crazy ideas!

Most people believe that everyone has a good angel on the one shoulder and a bad angel on the other shoulder. Well to me, it feels as if Alice took my good angel, fucked it up the ass then sold it for ‘tik’ to an illegal trafficking agency, and now all I have is this bad mother fucker who keeps letting me fall in crap holes! Thanks Alice.

So there you have it kids, if you have a friend like this- you might want to read a book written by Chris Brown, ‘Smack My Bitch Up!’- I’m half way through and totally ready for the next time Alice tries to come up with ideas. - Queen of <3