It's Back to the Bosch . . .

I’m feeling rather torn today. A mixture between excitement and suicidal I’d call it. You see my friend, today I leave my beloved mother city and venture back into the zoo.

Now going back - I am excited for! The Bosch although compact, is densely populated with legendary people. People I have come to miss in this week of separation. Our holiday has ended and we once again can be re-united in this immoral yet wonderful land.

We can also regain our freedom – no more parents, no more arguments, and no more guilt trips. We can return to being the selfish mother fuckers that we are and worry about that only important person on the planet – oneself. You can come and go as you please, spend your money as you please, make noise when you please, miss class when you please. The world is your oyster and my god is it rich with beautiful options and pearls of opportunity!

This wonderful picture however, is tainted by a large looming cloud. Actually not a cloud. Clouds! Plural. My suicidal thoughts have not been spurred on by one thought but by many.

Firstly, I must remove myself from the holiday spirit and pick up a pen again. I must get out my book-bag, pack away my stilettos, and get used to 1ply toilet paper again. Christ. Now u may be thinking, “Fuck me, she was only on holiday for a week!?” But pal, let me tell you, it was the longest week of my life and a much needed one at that.

This first shock is followed quickly by another - dear mother of fuck, lectures start tomorrow!!! Now I’m not exactly acing on the attendance side of things; but the thought, the consideration even of attending that fucking class, sends shivers down my spine and conjures the taste of vomit in my mouth. Firstly, I don’t understand one fucking word that the bitch is saying. Is it so much to ask for an English class??? How am I, or any poor English soul, expected to pay attention? Although come to think of it, the class is so shit boring I wouldn’t listen anyway. I can honestly say that I would rather shove my face into my roommates shit than attend my classes tomorrow. And I hate shit. Shit and anything to do with shit. Baby, if you ever suggest anal or anal beads, I WILL vomit on your face.

Anyway, next is the weather. It could quite possibly be the worst climate ON THE PLANET!!! In summer it’s so fucking hot you can barely walk, the thought of venturing onto campus makes ones body go into epileptic shock. The worst part is, while their body is going into a fit, the wind is pumping so hard you can’t even hear the poor soul cry for help!

Then there’s winter. In winter it is freeeeezing, and it rains and rains and rains. Even if I wanted to go to class it just isn’t humanely possibly. 1) I could take an umbrella, but that gets ripped to shreds in minutes by the consistent god-awful wind. 2) I could wear a rain coat. Now for me, that could work. Although I don’t own one and am too fucking broke to even consider the purchase, but for the majority of Stellenbosch University it just isn’t an option. You see Poppies beautifully straightened hair would get ruined, and if not the hair, the make up would run. 3) I could take a car. If I drove to campus then I wouldn’t have to walk in the rain. Well dear naive fucker, you will be driving round for days looking for that parking space. After working up R1400 in parking fines in 3 months I quickly discovered that Stellies are unbelievably stingy with their parking space and DO NOT compromise with letting one park on the pavement. Fucking assholes.

Other than these few minor problems, however, a term of euphoria and yet again excessive drinking is set up for us. And of course, another Maties Varsity Cup victory...

        Alice xxx