"Excuse me you single slut!"

As the Queen of Hearts I think I am entitled to express my feelings on being single- yes I was in that state of depression once... long ago before I care to remember. Like any person, I like to drink! That means occasionally I will venture out into the land of funnels, night clubs and vomit. Being the queen that I am, I often catch myself observing the single crowd; I interrogate them like wild animals (which is mostly true to their nature) and come up with crazy conclusions as to why exactly that guy with the beer stained shirt is ass grinding that buck- toothed whore? It astounds me!
Now, I can’t say I’ve been the biggest saint around, there have been many occasions where I’ve been tapped on the shoulder by a stranger saying: “Excuse me, I can see your entire ass!” while riding my boyfriend on a low bar stool, slobbering sweet nothings into his sweaty ear. But like I said, I like to drink! My point is, why would a perfectly educated person, studying let’s say, a BRek or something like that, downgrade themselves to a sticky, piss covered floor in a shit stained bathroom cubicle and mac something that resembles a sesame street character with no exact gender? Hmm
Well, if this kinda thing shocks you, then you need to get out more. Those of you who are laughing, shut the fuck up! Cause you’ve probably done worse. The thing is, single people need to get laid more often. That’s my conclusion... Their built up hormones and sperm can lead to some very red faced moments. So I rate, either dress yourself up nicely (throw away that beer stained shirt), brush your teeth and head on down to a lovely barraunt! (That’s my word for a restaurant with a bar)-Where you should be able to find some literate specimen, who can actually read a book and not just the label of a Miller’s bottle. Otherwise get yourself a fucking dildo and some lube and stop acting like a complete Brittney slut! Trailer trash doesn’t suit your complexion.