It's a Tough Life

Now I haven’t posted something in a while. I’ve wanted to, but there just hasn’t been time. I’m not too sure why because I still have not attended lectures (It’s going on nearly 6 weeks of unattended class, a frightening and horrific statistic), I still have not joined the gym (especially after I went for a run about 2 weeks ago and fucked up my leg so badly that I had to skip for four kilometers back to the car), and I still have not looked at a textbook or done that assignment that was due for 2 weeks ago. None-the-less, life has been hectic! The social calendar has been off the charts!


To try and create a bit of a lull in this department, I decided to stay in Stellenbosch for the weekend and to do some work. Everyone seemed to be going to Cape Town and so I would have nothing to do except work. Well that was a fail. Some Cape Town mates came up on Friday to watch Die Antwoord. It ended up being an awesome, eventful night; although I missed Die Antwoord due to my empty wallet, got hit on by a man that looked like he could be my grandfather, walked into a tree, fell down a flight of stairs, apparently hooked up, and found my friend passed out against my front door, using the step as a pillow. On a positive note I partied in great company, didn’t spend much money (there was nothing to spend), got free Mc Donalds, got a random lift home, and got to jam to PH Fat!


And so, with that, Saturday rolled in. I had planned to spend the day alone, with nothing except my books and an overdose of self-discipline. That was until The Queen rocked up. Before I knew it I had been to the Food Fair, returned, gotten comfy on the balcony, and popped open a bottle of champagne. Two hours later I found myself in Blouberg Strand with 5 other girls, 3 Gin and Tonics down, and another in my hand. Self discipline is not my friend.


Not long after, The Queen and I were absolutely motherless jamming in Stones and Buckleys; not having paid for one drink, having played hundreds of games of pool, and having made thousands of friends. Two of these lucky boys found their way home with us whereupon we partied until the sun came up, chilled on the beach, and then waved them off at 6am; pretending not to have noticed that they had reversed into the house – denting their Merc and leaving a huge black mark on the wall.


And so... Sunday swung by. After spending the whole day on the beach we decided to settle down and do some work. On Saturday I had consoled my self-loathing at my pathetic capability of being able to get my priorities in order, take life seriously, and do some work, by taking my bookbag along to Blouberg. It had worked and I felt good, but oh boy was that short lived. You see while I was frolicking on the beach doing fuck all except further confirm how useless I am, some sneaky mother fucker snuck into the house and grabbed the first thing he saw – my bookbag! Seriously.
We were sure that he must have dumped it and so we commenced our search for the bright green bag. We found a bag alright, but not my bag. We found the owner of it using nothing but a Temporary drivers licence and a video card (the only things remaining in his wallet). What detectives are we!?! It's insane!This guy, Nicolas, had had his car broken into earlier that day and because there was nothing but Bible books and verses in there, the thief had dumped it. I’m still trying to figure out if his bag was left because it’s contents would bring karma, a moral conscience, and hell, or because the contents were of no worth to him...


Either way some motherfucker is sitting happily; covering my exam pad with stick men as he tries out every coloured highlighter known to man, while trying to figure out what planet a flash-disk originates from, with the assurance that he will definitely get laid tonight seeing as he just bestowed his wife with a beautiful green bag from Germany, smiling as he looks down at his hand, the R250 remaining of my food money looking lovely in his grubby paws, while his toes curl above the warm flames slowly enveloping and devouring my years worth of hand written notes. Fucking Great.


       Alice xxx